And now for some self-absorbed whining...

Man, today sucks.

First of all, my bike, which I love dearly, is in pieces in my back yard as I am trying to repair it by mixing pieces of it with my spare bike, creating what will hopefully be a Frankensteinian Monstrosity worthy of an overlord such as myself. And after spending two full hours last night working on it, I hopped on and found out that the gears don't work right on the frame I'm using. So back to the drawing board.

Secondly, we received more digitizing requests today than we normally receive in a week, so my itinerary for the day seems to be filling up rather quickly.

Thirdly, It came to my attention a few days ago that I may not be getting the funding that I need to pay for getting my master's degree starting this fall. The scholarship I'm hoping to get has had more requests for funding than it has funds, I've yet to hear if I end up getting anything at all, and that's got me a bit stressed out lately.

And finally, I once again forgot to eat breakfast today. Damn me and my not feeling hungry until it's too late.

Oh well, at least it's Friday. And on top of that, this is like the first Weekend in a month or two where I can just relax and sleep, and not have to do anything at all. So have a good weekend everyone. I'm off to the digitizing mines to hopefully get everything done before clocking out today.

Happy Month-iversary

Well, today marks exactly one month that I've been doing this blog, and I must say, it's been interesting so far.

When I started this thing, I really had no idea what I was going to say, or even if I had anything to say. Actually, to be honest, I'm still not sure if I have anything to say, but damn-it, at least I'm saying it with style.

From the numbers at the bottom of the screen and the occasional post comments, it appears I've even picked up a few readers, which is a pleasant surprise. It's gratifying to know that I'm not talking to myself out here and that there are people who actually enjoy this pointless parade of silliness.

To celebrate this completely arbitrary day, I've added a new feature to the blog, "Words of Wickedness". Basically, it's just a little html code that'll display random quotes that I find amusing, profound, or just generally sacrilegious. I've only got a few quotes in it now, but I'll be adding more and more as I have the opportunity. Collecting quotations has always been a sort of hobby of mine, and I love any opportunity to use them.

So happy month-iversary to all of you out there who support this blog by your readership, and thank you so much for your support. Remember, in the words of Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." So, by reading this blog (which is about as close to nothing as you can reasonably be expected to do), you're doing your part to insure the triumph of evil for future generations.

And after all, that's what's really important.

Oh dear god, the pain....

I am in... incredible... amounts of pain right now.

It all started Monday night when I got bored. My wife, Mrs. Overlord, was sitting around happily playing away at Bioshock and I was hanging around watching and staying within range so that she could pass me the controller every once in a while so I could hack the computer security cameras and safes for her. After a while, however, I began to grow weary of the proceedings. You see, survival horror games were never really my schtick, no matter how gorgeous and creepy they are (and Bioshock IS both gorgeous and creepy).

So I got the (at the time) innocent idea in my head that I would work out a little bit and make myself all muscular and manly.

So I started out on our stationary bike for about fifteen minutes, you know, just to warm up. Then I moved to the dumbbells that I had gotten about a month ago in order to help me build muscle as I lose weight.

Of course, seeing me thus occupied at torturing myself, the Mrs. kept playing. So, of course, seeing her thus occupied at torturing herself with the game, I kept lifting weights.

Normally I have three different weight lifting routines that I do on three different days of the week to target different areas, but this time I finished the first routine and thought to myself, "Hey, that wasn't so bad. Maybe I could do one of the other routines as well."

So, like a dumbass, I did.

And when I finished that routine, she was in the middle of a boss fight with some dude with a grenade launcher, so I simply moved onto the third set like it ain't no thang.

Well believe me, today it certainly is a thang.

My whole body hurts in ways that people outside of the dungeon industry could never imagine. I feel like someone replaced my blood with battery acid. Like I fell out of the agony tree and hit every branch on the way down. Like I just went ten rounds with Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield and Carrot Top.

So after seeing the immense amount of pain that a simple bit of weight lifting can cause, I'm having a set of weight benches installed here in the dungeon for future torturing sessions.

Hey, whatever works. I am nothing if not practical.

More Movie Madness

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HA!

You watched it, didn't you?

Sucks, doesn't it?

Feels like someone just tore open your skull and ripped out the part of your brain that registers happiness so that you'll never, ever, ever feel anything but a deep sense of self-loathing for actually having seen it, doesn't it?

And just think... you had the ability to hit the "back" button to escape the horror. I actually had to sit through the entirety of the horrific abomination when it came on before Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian this past Friday evening. Such things have driven lesser men to leave theaters screaming and tearing at their hair. But not I. No, for I am an overlord, and there is not a torture yet invented that can stop me from seeing a movie I've paid a good $5 to see.

So I persevered.

And I must say, it was worth it.

Prince Caspian had a lot to live up to. The first Narnia movie was a grand tale with fun characters, good battle scenes, and an epic storyline that was both exhilarating and sad at the same time. Plus, you know, it had Tilda Swinton. I mean, really, do you need another reason to like it?

And despite what some people are saying, I think the second movie was basically just as good as the first one. Many of the same characters appear, often just a tiny bit older and wiser, plus there are several new characters, like the eponymous Prince Caspian, and the incredibly amusing swashbuckling mouse Reepicheep, who is voiced by Eddie Izzard, one of the funniest stand-up comedians alive today. And it had Tilda Swinton again. Grrrrrrrrow.

And although I don't want to say anything that will ruin it for those of you who haven't seen it, I will say that the ending of the movie is by far the best part. Having never read the books, I wasn't at all expecting it to go the way it did at the end.

Spoilers in black below for those who have already seen it:

I totally was not expecting Susan to leave. I thought she would stay in Narnia and marry Caspian and blah, blah, blah, yackity-shmackity. Like I said, I never read the books. So when she not only leaves, but is told that she can never even come back, it just made the ending more powerful, and actually very sad.

In fact, when you think about it, Narnia is a very tragic and depressing place in general. The tragedy lies in the fact that it's this grand world of adventure and fantasy that you can never stay in for long. At the end you always have to go back to the mundane world, which I imagine always seems all the more bleak and depressing for having caught that brief glimpse of fantasy and adventure.

The question that really struck me after watching the second movie was: How could you stand it? How could you possibly go on living your life after something like that, knowing that you'd had this brief taste of something more? I don't know if I could have.

Anyways, just something I was thinking about. These are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the popular parties when I was young.

T.G.I.F.

Well, it's Friday once again; which means another short, simple, lazy post from me as I head out the door, this time for a long weekend. As I will be at Pappy and Mammy Overlord's house on Monday for a Memorial day barbecue, I won't be updating that day.

Really, the only thing I wanted to add today is another update to the "Things to Read While You Suffer" section. Anyone reading this who is a fan of manga-style artwork or romantic comedies should check out Marry Me, an online graphic novel that updates once or twice a week. It's the story of a popstar who decides on a whim to marry a random person from the crowd on stage at one of her concerts. Although the plot may sound contrived, it is executed beautifully, and the characters are amazing. Also, the artwork is top notch, with a look to it that combines manga-style artwork with a more traditional comic book feel. If nothing else, it's worth reading for Parker, the best friend of one of the main characters and the comic relief of the series.

Well, that's all for now. Have a nice long weekend, and remember: Evil is as evil does.

Happy Memorial Day.

The blog days of summer

They say that the hottest fires in hell are reserved for those who, in times of crisis, maintain their neutrality. Here on earth, however, it would seem that the hottest temperatures are reserved for those of us who, in times of sheer stupidity, decided to live in the American Southwest.

Here in the great state of Despair (pop. 6,666,666), the temperature was nearly 80 degrees Fahrenheit while riding my bike to the dungeon this morning at 8 am. It's supposed to be 92 by the time I head home. As much as I love riding my bike, this heat is going to kill me. Or at least it would if I wasn't already a reanimated demonic skeleton bent on torture and conquest.

Oh well. At least it's a dry heat.

I've always hated summer, but this year is shaping up to be a doozy. It's gonna be long and hot, which does not bode well for either my excercise regimine or my utility bills. I miss winter already.

Personally, I've always had a somewhat backwards view of the seasons. To me, summer is a time of stagnation. It's a time when everything is hot, nothing is comfortable, and I always feel tired and out of place.

Winter, on the other hand, has always been a season of renewal and life to me. Cold is clean and new and energizing. It makes me feel alive. And if it decides to actually snow, as it does about once or twice a decade around here, then to me that is the essence of life at it's purest.

Hey, even Overlords are allowed to wax poetic now and then.

Pol-i-tics! Pol-i-tics!

Well, with any luck, today will be a slow one here at the Dungeon. My calendar is free from meetings and appointments. Interviews for the student worker position have stalled out and for once it's not my fault. And most importantly there are only a few measly microfiche digitizing requests. Maybe five total, so far. That should take me all of an hour to do.

So due to the distinct lack of anything interesting actually going on here today, I've decided that today would be a good opportunity to discuss the role of U.S. foreign policy following World War II and it's effect on the global economy, specifically as it relates to Russian military power.

Just kidding. You should have seen the look on your face.

Actually I'm gonna be discussing republican superheroes.

No, seriously.

Those of you who have been reading this blog regularly know that I tend to shy away from politics in here. There are several reasons for this.

First of all, I try to keep things light on here, and politics just drag things down into the mire of idiotic punditry, and there are already plenty of blogs out there that will give you that if you want it. I like to think that humor is more important to what I do on here than politics.

Secondly, a true evil overlord cannot afford to take sides in politics. Evil can come from any sector at any time, and we must be prepared to support it, no matter what form it may take.

And finally, it just doesn't interest me most of the time. I've never been a very political person, and I really just see the two parties as one giant party that doesn't really represent anyone's interests but their own. Call me cynical, but... well, actually there's no real "but" there. I'm just cynical.

However, despite all that, when I saw this article the other day while following up on a link from Superdickery I just couldn't help but post it on here. I know it's old. Like... really old. 2005 old. But that doesn't make it any less amusing.

Even I know that there's something terribly, terribly wrong about making a comic book depicting Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, and Oliver North as superheroes. And that's coming from someone who drinks the blood of the innocent as a protein supplement.

In all honesty, there's really not a whole lot I can say about this. I mean it pretty much speaks for itself. And what it says is: "Wow this was a really idiotic idea."

I mean, who is this comic appealing to? Republicans? Personally, I don't know of all that many republicans who read comic books. In fact, they're usually the first ones to jump on comics as obscene and childish. Comic book fans? No serious comic book fan would be caught dead within a mile of this title. Children? I'm sorry, but any hope of influencing the Ritalin generation into going conservative is going to go out the window as soon you pause from the explosions and cybernetic ninjas long enough to try and explain economic theory and foreign policy.

But the best part about this is that it really could just be a huge elaborate joke. Maybe the author is just trying to mess with people. Yeah that's it. It's some sort of Andy Kaufman-esque ironic commentary on the plebeian masses and their willingness to accept anything spoon-fed to them by the political machine.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

At least, that's what I'm going to be telling myself to be able to sleep at night.

Tales from The dungeon, Part II

Over the past several years I've had the rare opportunity of being not only a student supervisor here at the Library Dungeon, but also a *hiring* supervisor. That means that I've conducted more than my fair share of student worker interviews. Of course, anybody who interviews people for a living could tell you horror stories of some of the less than simian applicants they've had apply, but I'm of the opinion that library workers get some of the worst of the lot.

For example, I remember one student worker application that we regretfully never got the chance to interview, who listed as a job title on his application under the "Previous Experience" section: Ovary Scraper.

And the best part is that there was no further elaboration. No place of business listed, no job description other than just that. Ovary Scraper.

Now let me be clear here, being a dungeon overlord, I can certainly appreciate the ability to scrape internal organs with what one assumes would be sharp metal objects, but at the time I really wanted to interview this person simply so that I could ask them some questions about their previous employment.

So, how do you feel that your experience as an ovary scraper has prepared you for a job in an academic environment?

Tell me about your previous job, especially as it relates to working with the public?

Don't you feel that with your ovarian expertise you may be better suited to a job as, oh, say a fertility clinic worker, maybe a veterinary technician, or perhaps a politician?

I consider it one of the greatest regrets of my life that I never got the chance to interview that person.

Regardless, I've had other strange applications over the years, most of which simply consisted of misspellings and grammar mistakes that would embarrass a four year old. For example, one person told me in the Comments section, "I reely want this job because I need moneys".

Don't we all, dear minion.... don't we all?

And of course, there's always the ones who simply misconstrue what the idea of working in a library entails. I can't count how many people have written on their applications something to the effect that they would like to work here because they like to read and don't like dealing with people. Of course, in a customer intensive field like ours, that just doesn't cut it. Our patrons expect service, and we aim to please.

Because that's what being an Evil Overlord is all about.



Ironic Sidenote: On my first draft of this post I misspelled the word "misspellings" while complaining about people who misspell things. Go figure.

Monday Morning Movie Madness

So yesterday I finally got to see Chasing Amy, the last of the View Askew movies that I hadn't seen.

For those who haven't seen the View Askew movies, also known as the New Jersey Movies, they are a series of films by director Kevin Smith which are linked by recurring characters, actors, themes, and locations. The six movies that make up the series are: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Clerks II. Some people include Jersey Girl in the series, although Kevin Smith has specifically stated that it is not part of the View Askew universe.

All of the View Askew movies are incredibly funny, and sometimes even a little bit profound. Personally, my favorite of the series is Dogma, the story of the last scion of Jesus, who is tasked with stopping two renegade angels from unmaking existence by re-entering heaven, although Clerks and Clerks II are pretty close behind it.

There have been an enormous amount of reviews and critiques of the View Askew movies and Kevin Smith, almost all of them positive, so I won't waste time going into each of the movies individually, but I will urge any of you who haven't seen the whole series to go out and rent them and make a day of it. It's worth it. Very few films today have the kind of incredible dialogue and interesting characters that these films muster. Even the more slapstick ones like Mallrats and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back are better than most of the stuff coming out of Hollywood these days.

I also got to go to the theater with some friends this weekend and check out Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Now, I won't go so far as saying that this was a "good" movie. It wasn't. In fact, most of it was downright bad. But at least it was funny. This is one of those movies where how good you think it is will depend greatly on what your expectations were upon entering the theater. If you go in expecting some sort of epic comedy, you'll be extremely disappointed, but if you go in (as I did) expecting it to be an excruciating experience similar to rolling around on a pile of thumbtacks, you'll probably be pleasantly surprised. There were a lot of really funny parts and a few clever lines, at least enough to keep me amused for an hour and a half, so all in all, I'd say it was worth the matinee price.

Oh yeah... and there's a pool party scene with about twenty women naked from the waist down. Can't forget that part. Definitely a plus.

One life or two?

So, I promised several posts ago that I would devote a post or two sometime soon to the wonderful new virtual realm known as Second Life, and seeing as it's Friday and I'm too lazy to think of anything else to post about, I guess I'll go ahead and do that now. I may come back to it again in the future, just because it's so damn cool.

Second Life is an online project created by Linden Labs Inc, and intended for use as a social platform and learning tool. It came online in 2003 and has since gathered over 13 million user accounts from virtually every country in the world. Just to put that in perspective for you, World of Warcraft, the world's largest MMORPG, hosts a measly 10 million.

Of course, comparing it to WoW is not really fair. World of Warcraft may be a lot of things, but at it's core it's really just a game. That's not really true of second life, which is really more of a social network and tool, albeit an addicting and fun one. Basically, imagine a fully 3-D, completely customizable version of mIRC and you'll be getting a little bit closer to the feel of Second Life (abbreviated SL by people in the system, as distinguished from RL, or Real Life) although that still doesn't capture even a fraction of what is possible in this incredible virtual reality.

Basically, Second Life is an online world were you (or a virtual representation of you, known as an avatar), roam around, meet people, and do whatever the bloody heck you want to. There are bars and lounges for just hanging out, many in world games to play, and gatherings and lectures on every subject under the sun. Second Life even has it's own economy based on the $L or Linden, which is the basic unit of currency in the world. There are many ways to earn and spend money, and many leading economists are studying the system. Several theses and dissertations have already been writtten about the SL economy.

Many schools and Universities offer online courses in Second Life, and many, many more have virtual campuses where you can tour exhibits, libraries, class info, and more. I'm sad to say that Overlord University does not yet have an organized Second Life presence, but I'm happy to report that I am on the commitee tasked to evaluate Second Life and its prospective usefullness to our library.

On Second Life, you can pretty much do anything you want. The possibilities are limitless, and it would be a folly to try to come up with a comprehensive list ofthings to do. You'll just have to find out for yourself. Suffice to say, it's almost certainly worth your while to at least sign up for an account. Did I mention it's completely free? You can sign up for a basic account, which gets you an avatar and a basic set of clothing for free. Unfortunately, to be able to recieve a weekly stipend of money and the ability to purchase land parcels, you have to sign up for a gold account, but even this costs less than the price of a WoW membership.

So do yourself a favor and go try it out, at least for a little while. I guarantee you'll find it more addicting than crack filled chocolate truffles.

Oh... oh right. I almost forgot something.

Being a completely user-generated world with very few restrictions and almost complete freedom of development, Second Life is bound to have some... interesting... places. When I said that you could do anything in SL, I really did mean ANYTHING, and some people do things on the system that even I find weird.

The good news, however, is that every parcel of land, or "island", has a rating, so just stay clear of anything rated "mature" and you should be fine. Unless, you know, you're into that sort of thing. I mean, more power to ya'. Just be sure you enter the dungeon's Delousing and Decontamination chamber before climbing back on to any of the our torture equipment. I mean evil is evil but creepy is... well... creepy.

The Overlord is...

Out.

Please take a number:

God, I love comics

Well, it turns out that Pappy Overlord won't be coming out to help with the plumbing until Saturday, but I'll still be taking tomorrow afternoon off to get the house cleaned up and other such stuff, so still no post tomorrow.

Ever since I posted all those links to the web comics yesterday, I've been spending time going back over them and rereading some of my favorites. As many of you have realized by now, I'm a sucker for web comics, and for comics in general. Much like their cousin, the animated cartoon, comic books and comic strips have often been viewed by the masses as being the exclusive territory of young kids or escapist geeks who have no grounding in reality, and that view of the medium has always saddened me a little bit.

Comic books that appeal to grown ups have been around for many decades now, from the underground pornographic "Tijuana bibles" of the early twentieth century to the alternative titles of today like Sandman and Transmetropolitan. In many ways, comics and graphic novels (I find the two terms to be mostly interchangeable, although many people would want my head on a stake for saying that) are just as expressive, profound, and respectable as similar works in mainstream books and art, if not more so.

True, the worst comics can be nothing more than badly written word bubbles pasted on disproportionate anatomical monstrosities, and in fact, many of the more popular superhero comics tend to fall into this unfortunate quagmire (although their has been a recent trend in superhero comics to move away from this sad state of affairs, and many titles like Runaways, The Ultimates, and many others have begun to drag superhero comics kicking and screaming back into respectability). The best comics, however, can be flights of literary excellence unrivaled by any other modern literature. Comics like V for Vendetta (now an unfortunate motion picture bearing only passing resemblance to the book), Preacher, and the aforementioned Sandman and Transmetropolitan, are among my favorite literary works in any medium, and I feel they have every right to be ranked with the classics of modern literature.

And let's not forget the younger, sleeker, more tech savvy cousin of the tradition comic book: web comics. Ever since the advent of internet and scanning technology, budding artists and writers have found that self-publishing their work is much easier, and in many ways more rewarding, than traditional publishing methods. Now that the world of graphic arts has been opened to the masses, anyone with a good idea and some talent can create works of art that can be instantly accessed by millions of viewers. This has created a virtual renaissance of comic strips in a brand new medium. Of course, this easy access to publishing has also created an incredible amount of bad material as well, but it's usually easy enough to sift through the muck and mire to find the occasional gems like those I posted yesterday that make it all worthwhile.

Those who would like to learn more about the wonderful medium of comic books and comic strips should check out Understanding Comics, by Scott McCloud, the quintessential guide to the comic book genre. The book is something of a bible among comic book enthusiasts and goes into great detail on the inner workings of the comic medium. It explains in far more detail and clarity than I ever could why comics and graphic novels are not just a respectable form of entertainment, but why they may actually be the pinnacle of modern art and literature.

And for those who also appreciate how horribly bad comic books can be at times, check out the image galleries on Superdickery.com. I promise, you'll be laughing for weeks.


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New Reading Material Update:

Dr. McNinja - I can't believe I left this one off the list yesterday. This is an absurdly nonsensical comic about a scottish ninja doctor with a mexican bandito sidekick and a gorilla receptionist. And those are among the more logical parts of the story. This one is laugh-out-loud funny in ways that don't even begin to make sense, but just loosen up and roll with it; it's worth it.

Comics, comics everywhere...

You may have noticed a new section to the left entitled "Things to Read While You Suffer". Please consider these complimentary links to some of the web's finest web-comics to be the dungeon equivalent of those mind-numbingly boring magazines that doctor's offices put in there waiting rooms. We here at the Dungeon feel it is our responsibility to keep up with emerging trends in torture to offer our customers the finest dungeon experience possible.

I'll be adding new comics to the list as I come across them, but for now these are the ones I check regularly and they are some of the best (in my not so humble opinion) that the interwebs has to offer. Hopefully, there is something here for everyone.


Sluggy Freelance - Probably the single best web comic around, and certainly one of the most prolific. The incredible cast of characters and hilarious yet sweet story lines have kept this one going daily for 11 years now. No one should be able to call themselves a web comic fan without having read Sluggy.

Sinfest* - A bitingly edgy comic with a surreal twist and more sexual tension than a catholic high school. The fact that it is consistently funny and is never afraid of the sacrilegious and profane has earned this comic a special place in my literary heart.

Wonderella - A wonderfully nonsensical comic about a super heroine without a clue and her many adventures. This is for anyone who's ever been a fan of superhero comics, or just anyone who's likes poking fun at the yuppie generation.

Something Positive - Another web classic. If you haven't heard of this one you've probably been living under a rock for the last several years. It's one of the first and one of the best, known for it's biting sarcasm and touchingly realistic characters.

Order of the Stick - The ultimate web comic for RPG fanatics, this is the story of a typical Dungeons and Dragons adventuring party on a quest to stop an evil lich lord. The surprisingly expressive stick figure artwork helps define the setting, and the incredible writing and hilarious dialogue make it unmissable for anyone who's ever played D&D.

XKCD - Perhaps the most consistently profound and funny comic on the net, XKCD is self described as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language". Although for the most part it doesn't have a continuing plot or many recurring characters, this comic is responsible for what I feel are some of the best individual comic strips of all time.

Goblins - Another "gamer" comic, this one is as sweet and tragic as it is hilarious. The tale of a tribe of D&D goblins who become adventurers, it explores themes of prejudice, friendship, honor, and courage, as well as many other themes. The incredible story and well developed characters make this one a treat for gamers and non-gamers alike.

Minus - Perhaps the sweetest comic on the web, this one is perhaps lesser known than some others, but every bit as worthwhile. It explores the whimsical world of a girl with the extraordinary ability to bend reality around her however she wants. This comic has been able to touch my foul, rotting heart in ways very few stories have. If you don't cry at least once while reading this one, you don't have a soul.

Flipside* - A story of adventure, love, and companionship, set in a vaguely medieval world full of magic and strange creatures. This one has an incredible level of gorgeously detailed artwork rarely seen in the comic medium. Come for the incredible artwork and stay for the captivating story, interesting characters and intriguing commentary on sex, taboo, and the search for self.

El Goonish Shive* - another sweet comic that can be both hilariously funny, and incredibly sad at the same time. This is the story of a group of teenage friends living in a world of furries, weird science, and teenage angst. The plot covers many themes including gender, identity, sexual attraction, and love; although usually in an almost naively innocent manner. A solid cast of characters and a vividly weird story form the backbone of this one.

Rayne* - Drawn by a good friend of mine, this "furry" comic is about a guy and two girls sharing an apartment. Maybe not everyone's thing, but I personally find it funny and well-drawn. Anyone who's even mildly interested in the "furry" genre should check this one out.


*Contains partial or complete nudity at times. May not be appropriate for workplaces. Read at your own risk.

Random Babblings

So once again I was stuck working on the weekend, this time it was Saturday morning and it was the Course Reserves desk. Now that finals are finished and Overlord University (Go, fighting Uruk-hai!) has emptied out for the summer break, the dungeon was quiet as... well as a tomb. We had a total of one person come to the desk while I was here, and they were looking for something in another part of the library.

Oh well. Nothing like getting paid to watch old Marx Brothers clips on Youtube.

In other news, my evil sanctum's plumbing is on the fritz again at home, and I still haven't been able to fix that stupid rusted hose on my washing machine, so it seems as though Pappy Overlord will be coming out from the Overlord Homestead to see if he can help me get it fixed on Thursday. As such, I may not have a chance to update on that day. Please try not to slash your wrists in despair. I hate wasting perfectly good blood.

On a final note, some friends and I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on Sunday as the first part of our preparation for the new Indiana Jones film opening on May 22nd. We're watching all three of the original movies in chronological order (That would be Temple of doom, Raiders of the Lost Arc, and then Last Crusade, for those of you who didn't know). Most of my friends are pretty psyched about the new film, but personally I'm withholding judgement. I hope to God I'm wrong, but it seems to me from the trailer that this movie may not be quite as good as the others. While the trailer seemed to be for a good old-fashioned swashbuckling tale of adventure just like the other three, there was something not quite right about it. Indie's punches were just a little bit slow. His trademark snide coments were just a little bit off in their timing. In short, Harrison Ford is getting old.

Like I said, I hope to God I'm wrong.

I came... I saw... I rocked.

I have achieved the impossible. I have scored 100% on a song in expert mode on Rock Band. Granted, the song was "Roxanne", by the Police (quite possibly the easiest song available on the game for guitar), but you will still bow down and worship my almighty shredding skills! I command it!

In other news, I have once again been talked into working this weekend, this time on Saturday morning. Oh well. At least the hordes of hideous freaks have died down and I'll have the dungeon all to myself.

In one final note, it was pointed out to me by a friend of mine that I still have yet to mention my faithful hell-hound Hastur on this blog, so by popular demand, here are a few pictures. Yes, that's really his name. No, I'm not joking. If you don't get the joke, then shame on you. Go read some H.P. Lovecraft.

Anyway, that's all for today. I know this post isn't very exciting or profound, but hey, it's Friday. Anyways, who do you think I am, The Marx Brothers?

Nighthawks at the Diner

Last night I ate a plate of bleu cheese and cheddar french fries the size of my head.

"But mighty overlord!" you say, "You've told us that you are on a diet!"

And indeed that's true, my horrible little pets, but as a great philosopher once said, "Everything in moderation, including moderation."

True it will set me back a few days on my diet, but the chance to practice the wonderful sin of gluttony on as massive a scale as this does not come along every day.

My friends and I discovered a diner here in our town that had been featured on The Food Network, and decided to try it out. So the five of us piled into our Deathmobile and met another friend of ours at the place. I partook of the aforementioned cheese fries, along with an incredible reuben sandwich and a vanilla shake. Truly there is no wonder in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to match a good diner. Suffice to say, there was much weeping (with joy) and gnashing of teeth, and everyone went home with full stomaches and leftovers.

When I got home I spent the rest of the evening lounging around on the computer playing Second Life (an incredible online virtual world to which I'll have to devote a post or two sometime soon) until it was time to retire to my coffin for the night.

All in all a wonderfully, horribly, sinfully indulgent evening.

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...

Well, it's another boring day here in the dungeon. Finals end today, which means the steady stream of student victims that normally floods our dark hallways has been reduced to a trickle and will stay so for the next few weeks until the summer semester starts. So while my loyal imps and goblins are twiddling their thumb-like claws at the desk, I've decided to recommend a few good ways to pass the time for any of you who likewise find yourself bored to tears and happen to share my love of comic books. These titles are a little more obscure than some other, more mainstream comics like Spider Man or X-men, but infinitely more worthwhile.

First up is the continuing series Runaways, a Marvel Comics title created by Brian K. Vaughan and Adrian Alphona, about a group of superpowered children who discover that their parents are super villains and decide to run away and become heroes. Actually, the plot is a lot more complicated and profound than that, but revealing any more of it would necessitate giving away key plot points that might spoil the reading experience of anyone as yet unfamiliar with this glorious comic about responsibility, friendship, and the trials and tribulations of childhood. Suffice it to say, it's one of the most consistently funny, innovative, and well-thought-out comic books on the market today, and any fan of the graphic novel medium would do well to look into it. In my opinion, it is the single best superhero comic on the market today. Those of you who are already superhero comic fans will also love this one becasue of the many cameos by other Marvel stars like Captain America and Cloak & Dagger.

For those of you with a more tragic bent, another recent find of mine is a book called Blankets, by Craig Thompson. This is the story of a young man growing up in a repressively religious household and the rewards and perils of his first love. This comic is breathtakingly written, and the tragedy and triumph evident throughout the very human story is enough to make even a foul-defiler-of-all-things-good-and-decent like me get choked up. It's a coming of age story with a tragic twist, and that tragedy is made all the more poignant by how absurdly normal it is.

Finally, there's the slightly more bizarre but incredibly profound graphic novel Black Hole, by Charles Burns. Another coming of age story, this one centers on a Seattle suburb where a mysterious sexually transmitted disease known only as "The Bug" is causing strange mutations among the areas teenagers. Although the effects of The Bug can be subtle or horrific, anyone with the disease soon finds themselves an outcast, rejected by their peers and sometimes even by society as a whole. The strength of this novel is in it's originality, presentation and depth of characters. It is a novel about hope among disaster and the search for acceptance and normalcy in an insane world, with a little bit of love and lust thrown in for good measure. With a strong cast of believable characters and beautiful artwork to compliment its visceral plot, this is truly a genuinely excellent comic.

Anyway, that should keep you occupied for a little while at least, while I go back to devising strange and horrible tortures to keep my minions occupied. Happy reading.

Tales From the Dungeon, Part I

Well gather round, my precious little pets, it's story time again. Today Daddy Overlord is going to tell you all about some of the wonderfully wacky characters that have graced our library over the years.

This weekend I was sitting at the desk talking to Lord Evilton, ruler of the Loss Prevention Desk, since we were both stuck on Sunday morning desk duty because of finals. We had whiled away the morning checking out study/torture rooms to the plebeian masses when an odd thing happened.

One young lady walked in the entrance door, then immediately turned and walked back out the exit door right next to her. Normally, this would not be cause for comment, especially in a place as strange as The Dungeon, but upon exiting our fine establishment, she immediately turned and walked back in again, followed by another immediate exit. Then she simply walked off. down the walkway.

Naturally, I commented to Lord Evilton on the strange behavior, which lead to a long discussion about some of the many weird and wacky people that have come to the library over the years, the highlights of which I will now share with you. Bear in mind that I was not present for many of these, and some of them were long before my time and probably exaggerated over the years, but this is how the stories were told to me. As a great storyteller once said, "Trust the story, not the storyteller."

We'll begin with Johnny Wombat. This is the only one of our Rogues gallery I've had direct experience with. I call him Johnny Wombat because he looks a lot like a character by that name from the Preacher comic book series. If you look closely at the picture on the wikipedia page I linked to, he's the character with the bushy beard directly underneath the "ch" in "Preacher".

Johnny likes to come in in the evenings and weekends. I believe he's a retired professor here at Overlord University (Go, Fighting Things-That-Should-Not-Be-Named!). His MO is to come up to the desk under the pretense of asking for help or checking out an item, thus cornering his hapless prey before moving in for the kill by ceaselessly talking to them about Global Warming. Seriously. He's obsessed with it. He will literally stand at the desk, long after his issue has been resolved, and continue expounding on the problem and it's long and short term consequences, completely oblivious to any line of customers that might be forming behind him as he rambles. At least twice he's caught me, although I have since learned to deflect him off onto one of my more disposable minions so I can get back to other patrons. I personally have been trapped for over forty minutes. I've seen one poor minion sitting and literally falling asleep as he was being lectured for more than an hour. The worst thing is how he always steers everything onto the topic of global warming, no matter what you do.

*stamps book with due date*
"Here you go sir, they're due back in two weeks"
"You know, you shouldn't use paper stamp pads in the back of the books, because cutting down trees for paper can lead to an increase in global..."
"Hold that thought, sir."
*turns around*
"Minion!!!!"

Next up on our hit parade is the fruit man. This was apparently a guy who would come up to the desk every weekend with a large basket of fruit. And I don't mean like a fruit basket. I mean like a large woven wicker platter. Filled with apples, oranges, bananas, whatever. He would then leave the basket at the front counter with specific instructions not to let anyone touch any of it, under pain of death. He would then head up to the stacks and come down every fifteen minutes or so to grab a piece of fruit and head back up. And he would do this aaaaaaall day.

Well, at least he was getting his recommended daily allowances.

Finally, our last tale for today involves the mysterious Crazy-Asian-Bag-Lady, as Lord Evilton described her. Apparently, for a long while, before my time, a mysterious oriental woman dressed in dirty old clothes and carrying a bag would show up every once in a while right before closing. Before anyone could say or do anything, she would dart up the stairs of the building and disappear into the stacks of books.

Let me explain something about the dungeon really quickly. It is five stories tall, with dozens of collections and thousands of bookshelves containing tens of millions of books. There are also literally hundreds of study rooms, as well as many offices, supply rooms, bathrooms, corridors, break rooms, and study spaces. It's a veritable labyrinth.

Anyway, the night security guard would always chase behind her, trying to get her to stop, but he would always lose sight of her within a floor or two and no one would see her again. No one ever figured out where she was staying. No one ever figured out how she got out the next morning. No one ever even saw a trace of her except when she darted in at night and immediately disappeared.

Anyway, that's all the time we have for Story time today. There's always strange goings on around here', though, so I'm sure there will be many more to come. Until then, night night, and don't let the giant vampiric were-bedbugs bite.

I... am... IRONMAN

I have died and gone to Nerdvana.
SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!!!!!!
Warning: This post may contain spoilers for anyone who has not seen the movie Iron Man. I have written anything that might give stuff away in black. Read at your own risk.
SERIOUSLY!!!! SAMUEL F***ING L. F***ING JACKSON!!!!!
So yesterday my friends and I went to see the new Iron man movie, and it was incredible. I have to say that I went into the movie not expecting much at all. I figured it would be just another marvel attempt to cash in on an iconic figure without really putting any depth or imagination into it. I was happily mistaken.
AS NICK F***ING FURY!!!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!
Having seen zodiac a few weeks ago, I new that Robert Downey Jr. would be perfect for the role of Tony Stark, but until yesterday I don't think I truly realized HOW perfect he is. I mean seriously, this is the casting equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel. Hell, it's like shooting dead fish in a barrel. He was so charismatic and sarcastic that I literally got goosebumps at several points.
AND THERE'S GONNA BE AN AVENGERS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!
And the rest of the movie was superbly done as well. Gwyneth Paltrow was the epitome of nerd-sexy as the always dependable "pepper" potts. The Iron Man suit was spot on. The CGI was believable and exciting. The bad guys were gleefully evil and wonderfully over the top at parts. And to top it all off, there's even a knock-down drag-out machine-man kaiju style brawl.
AND IT'S APPARENTLY GONNA BE BASED ON THE ULTIMATES!!!!!!!!!!
The only minor flaw I found in the movie's execution was that the song "Iron Man" by black Sabbath was not included in the actual movie, despite being in the previews, however even this is tempered by the fact the it was included during the credits and the films actual soundtrack was more than decent.
OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!! NERDGASM!!!!!!!!!
All in all, this movie represents something of a renaisance for superhero movies after the inexcusable tragedies that were Fantastic Four II, Spiderman III, and X-men III. And with the trailer for the new hulk movie preceding it (Starring Edward Norton and Tim Roth!) and Captain America and Thor in pre-production, as well as rumors of more things yet to come on the horizon, it's shaping up to be a damn fine next couple of years for super heroes in the cinema.
Aaaaaaaaaand I'm spent....

Weekend of Horrors

Well, I just sent out my online request for registration for the fall semester. The degree I'm going for is a masters of Library Science with a specialization in henchman management. I must admit, even I, a hardened overlord with an iron fist and a horde of loyal minions, am terrified of the idea of continuing education. It's going to be a lot of work. It seems to me that the whole idea of being an evil overlord is to make other people do your work for you, and yet here I am heaping even more onto my plate which is already overflowing with the important business of RPGs and Rock Band.

But at least I don't have to worry about that until Fall semester.

For now I just have to concentrate on getting through the weekend. It's gonna be a busy one. Tonight or tomorrow I'll probably be helping one of my good friends and her husband move, which is a good thing, because the sooner they get settled in the sooner they can bring home their new Hellhound.

Then sometime tomorrow I need to work on fixing the hot water line to my washing machine that has basically rusted to the pipe in one solid mass. Despite being pleasant decor and a useful abrasive agent in many torture routines, rust is not generally conducive to good plumbing. So that means a trip to the hardware store to pick up rust remover, followed by an hour or so of cursing and sweating as I try to remove the stuck attachment.

Finally, to top it all off, It has been strenuously suggested by the Great Old Ones that I serve that I should volunteer to work Sunday morning to help cover the finals rush.

How evil.

Who knows, maybe it won't be all that bad, since Sunday mornings are ussually dead. Maybe I'll even get some actual work done.

Yeah right. And maybe I'll spontaneously start singing and cuddling kittens.

Time Sheet Day

Oh goody, it's time sheet day.

Here in the dungeon we're very strict about our minions keeping track of their hours worked, and as overlord, part of my job is checking their submitted time sheets against their time clock stamps to make sure they're accurate. In theory it's all a very simple process where I run down the list, match up the times, and click the "submit" button to send the time sheets off into the bowels of the personnel department where the financial imps do whatever it is they do to make sure people get paid.

In practice, however, there's always something gumming up the cogs in the ever-grinding torture machine. With nineteen minions to keep track of, some of them invariably forget to record things on their sheets, forget to clock in and out, forget to NOT record times when they were sick or maimed, or simply forget to fill out their time sheets altogether, leaving me to try to piece it together detective-like from scant time clock stamps and the schedule. Some of them are really good about it, but others just make me shake my head and reach for the hot poker.

And to top it off, I'm feeling rather light-headed today on account of riding my bike to work and having forgotten to eat any breakfast. The bike ride itself was great, as always, but this is the third time this week I've simply forgotten to eat anything before leaving or after getting here, and now it's almost lunchtime so it's too late.

Anyways, I'm really looking forward to lunch today. Here at Overlord University (Go Fighting Things-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named!) they have a fruit stand set up near the student center every Thursday, so some of my fellow overlords and I like to go there to buy crunchy munchings and hang out by the blood fountain behind the building. Maybe not the most exciting lunchtime in the world, but I like it. Sometimes it's the simple pleasures in life that make it worth living. The feel of the sun on your face, the cool wind on your skin, the howling of the damned in the distance. The simple things.